Some magazine recently named this year's "Most Beautiful Woman in the World." As is to be expected, there was an uproar with those who disagree with who won the title, as well as an uproar from the tofu-munching liberals in California who think there shouldn't be a title like this in the first place.

The title went to Gwyneth Paltrow, who's like forty something. Previous winners have included Jen Aniston, Halle Berry, and Julia Roberts.

There are two problems I see with this situation. The first: why do the opponents of the title care? It's like the people who whine and moan about Valentine's Day and say it should actually be called "Singles Awareness Day." If you truly didn't care, you probably wouldn't be telling the world how much you don't care.

The second: Gwyneth Paltrow. Can anyone even name a movie that she's in? Can anyone spell her name? She isn't half as pretty as Julia Roberts, in my opinion - why can't we just give Julia the title again?

The Most Beautiful Woman in the World is very, very incorrectly titled, in this humble blogger's opinion. The judges clearly didn't look at the face of every woman in the world and take a vote on who is the prettiest. The Most Beautiful Woman in the World should really be called The Most Beautiful Woman in Hollywood Who Hasn't Recieved the Title Before.

Now that I've pointed out this blatantly obvious fact to all 200 people who are going to read this, I feel guilty as I have left you curious about who is the true champion of the MBWW title. So I've taken the liberty of doing what the judges should have done, and closely examined the features of every breathing female human in existence on planet Earth and have found who the actual Most Beautiful Woman in the World is.

Drumroll, please.

It turns out, the victor of this title is an American who resides in Glendora, California. Like Gwyneth, she is also forty something. She works in La Verne, California as a vicar for Saint John's Episcopal Church.

Her name is Kelli Grace Kurtz. She's my mom.

Mom wins the title because of her internal beauty, in addition to her external loveliness and grace.

Mom wins the title because she had the balls to move out when she was 18 and never go back. Mom grabbed life by the horns and said "No, I'm not going to college to get my 'MRS.' I'm going because I want to better myself." She not only got a Bachelor's Degree, but managed to get married and give birth to four (incredibly attractive) children during the time she worked on her Master's.

Mom is always in my blog posts because she is one of my greatest inspirations. I'm not sure why I skipped the "I-hate-my-mom-she-doesn't-know-anything" phase that most young women go through in their late teens / early 20's. Perhaps because my mom is better than all the other moms.

Mom knows the importance of treasuring the moment while it's there. I get to see her twice a year, and one of the first things that usually happens is a pampering trip with my sister and me. We're likely to get our nails done or go shopping or simply eat at a favorite restaurant. Mom taught me that it's ok to spend a little money during those special times, even if you don't have it.

While mom was working towards a college degree, she gave birth to not one, but four children. She has stories of using the 15-minute breaks in the middle of extra long classes to breastfeed one of us. Dad would bring her Taco Bell and an infant, and they'd sit outside the class during the break while she tended to us.

As our neighbor, Susan, pointed out, Mom and I are so similar that sometimes it's great, but sometimes we drive each other nuts. I couldn't be more proud of being like her. If even she does, occasionally, drive me nuts.

I was a ballerina all of my life. So was mom. Mom and I both studied dance in college, until our junior year, when we dropped it because it was becoming too dramatic for our actual goals. Mom and I graduated with a Psychology and Politics degree, respectively. We both have an emphasis on research. It's a little creepy how similar our college experiences were.

Mom loves me, no matter what. I've stressed her out on more than one occasion and occasionally do things that I think her relatives might not like, to which she responds: "Well, they put up with me when I was 21. They'll certainly put up with you."

Dad doesn't understand why, but Mom and I like to talk about our funerals a lot. Mom knows that "My Way" is going to be sung at my funeral. I know that "It Isn't Easy Being Green" is going to be sung (by Big Bird, no less) at hers. Mom and I do not have a fear of death. Mom and I discuss our funeral plans with each other because we both know that it isn't a morbid discussion. It's a practical one.

Mom knows about my screw ups. But she loves me anyway. This "unconditional love" part of the job description that comes with being a mother is often overlooked and forgotten when the kid screws up real bad. I have screwed up real bad, and Mom still loves me. I think she might disown me if I get another speeding ticket, but that's beside the point.

For those who were wondering, I get my insatiable desire to question conventionality from her. Thank her for my "radicalness."

Again, I don't know why I'm so lucky. Mom knows more about everything than anybody I know. I think this also makes her "The Most Intelligent Woman on Earth," but we don't wanna give her too many titles. It's unfair for the rest of the moms.

Mom is a priest. Her being a priest has been key in shaping my outlook on Christianity and religion as a whole. I have a much healthier relationship with and positive perspective of Christianity than my atheistic peers because of her. When a friend says "I know that there are some good Christians, but most of them are idiots," I simply must disagree. I know more Christians that are accepting of gay rights, that are open-minded, and that are friendly than not. And I don't even identify as a Christian. It's my mom that helped (and continues to help!) me figure out where I lay religiously.

Sorry that I'm not sorry for talking about Mom so much in my blogs. I can't help it, she's the neatest. I took me forever to get this post written because there's just so much to say about her.

Love ya, Mom.



wanna know how much I love my dad?